Now, finally, all bassist jokes can be conquered. No more cheap japes, what do you call a bassist without a girlfriend? Homeless. What do you call a bass player who only knows two chords? A professional. Yes, everything is completely unfair, completely, totally.
How music would have been and will continue to be without Charles Mingus, Jaco Pastorius, Paul McCartney, Jack Bruce, John Entwistle, Stanley Clarke, Leland Sklar, Chris Squire and Australian Tal Wilkenfeld, for example.
And yet the jokes survive. This week, however, bass guitar became the guitar hero, with a little help from his friend, owner Mike Conomy (pictured above via Facebook) from Melbourne’s suburb of Truganina.
Mr. Conomy first used his “cheapest” guitar to repel and then chase away two potential thieves who broke into his home in the early hours of the morning. The thieves wanted his car, but they got some background noise instead, so to speak.
âI took the cheapest guitar I had, I went after them, I turned the corner, I said ‘Come on guys, let’s go’.
âI kicked them out of the house and smashed their (car) window in the process. “
His partner Annabelle Sutton said: “All I really saw was him with the guitar, wielding it like a battle ax.”
âMr. Conomy has several guitars, but says he chose the bass because it is much older, used less often, and most importantly, when used against invaders, it has a greater range. “
And what greater praise could a bassist ask for?
The bass as a weapon received a few scratches from the encounter and, of course, you could argue that there is no need to worry about that. They are very heavy instruments, but very humble.
Mr Conomy has several guitars, but says he chose the bass because it is much older, used less often, and especially when wielded against invaders, it has a greater range.
I bet bass guitar designers never thought of it. Or maybe they did.
“They say maybe keep a golf club or something, but there’s nothing heavier than a guitar at the end of the day.”
That’s right, wood # 1 has nothing on an electric bass. The wood may have a bit of flex generated in the swing, but the bass is just a blunt instrument. Its job, mainly, is to keep the bottom of a song anchored, to leave all the whimsy to the other pieces of wood and metal. Oh, it can pop from time to time, show that it can match it with virtuosos, but in the end it’s necessary with the drums set back and off-center (unless you’re attached to the singer as well), keep that rhythm.
There are bass players who stand on stage like they’re mortified to move a muscle, such was the habit of the late Mr. Entwistle of The Who. He let his fingers speak. In fact, he took the solo in My Generation. Now Mr. Conomy has shown that the bass can be used for more than music. You don’t argue with a bass player, plugged in or unplugged.
It was the thieves’ misfortune, and a good thing too for all of us law-abiding people that they chose the house they made. Maybe they picked one where the owner was playing the whistle. Not really a weapon there. You can’t expect a thief to be chased out of a house by someone threatening them with a whistle, whether playing or not.
Now, if they wielded the bagpipes, maybe. Probably no.